Friday, October 23, 2009
friday night live
this is my new favorite website. Obviously, in a sane world, this would be, at most, an elaborate joke. Of course, no one in his right mind would assume that this world is sane.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
offensive
I know, I know, we're long overdue for a post here, and you didn't care anyway, so why am I apologizing? But I want to make sure I'm covering my bases. Despite my apathy toward baseball, I know how to get in the analogous spirit during the Hunt for October.
Anyway, tonight's topic is 'offense'. Something, most of you no doubt are thinking, that the University of Tennessee has been lacking in this season. A team that traditionally lacks it, but is having a reasonable amount of success so far this season, is the University of Mississippi - traditionally, "Ole Miss". Apparently, this upstanding member of the Southeastern Conference has a fight song which, at some points or anothers, has included a post-song chant of "the South will rise again". Terrifying as that may be to us Northerners and our unsweetened-tea and cornbread-as-cake sensibilities, I'm, as always, a little doubtful about the overall evilness of such a chant. In fact, if you want my very private opinion, it's pretty clearly a mindless chant used by people who are excited about a football game to get other people excited about a football game. Does anyone actually think that "the South", whatever that IS, is going to be rising any time soon, the excellent qualities of White Lily Self-Rising flour notwithstanding? But, of course, there are people who strongly believe that this chant runs counter to all the principles of goodness, fairness, and Ole Miss. And who am I to argue? I don't really know that much about any of those things - it is, after all, the South, and don't they have their own special brand of morality down there? But here's the funny thing. According to the good women and men at ESPN.com, the student government has made a suggestion on how to modify this chant to be less offensive.
They suggested is that people who wish to chant after the school's fight song is sung, in a manner more inclusive and friendly to the various people attending and participating in the football games (that was ironic without even trying to be), should instead chant:
To which I respond: The Vols will rise again!
Anyway, tonight's topic is 'offense'. Something, most of you no doubt are thinking, that the University of Tennessee has been lacking in this season. A team that traditionally lacks it, but is having a reasonable amount of success so far this season, is the University of Mississippi - traditionally, "Ole Miss". Apparently, this upstanding member of the Southeastern Conference has a fight song which, at some points or anothers, has included a post-song chant of "the South will rise again". Terrifying as that may be to us Northerners and our unsweetened-tea and cornbread-as-cake sensibilities, I'm, as always, a little doubtful about the overall evilness of such a chant. In fact, if you want my very private opinion, it's pretty clearly a mindless chant used by people who are excited about a football game to get other people excited about a football game. Does anyone actually think that "the South", whatever that IS, is going to be rising any time soon, the excellent qualities of White Lily Self-Rising flour notwithstanding? But, of course, there are people who strongly believe that this chant runs counter to all the principles of goodness, fairness, and Ole Miss. And who am I to argue? I don't really know that much about any of those things - it is, after all, the South, and don't they have their own special brand of morality down there? But here's the funny thing. According to the good women and men at ESPN.com, the student government has made a suggestion on how to modify this chant to be less offensive.
Warning: this is the part where the post gets sarcastic. You may wish to leave the room.
They suggested is that people who wish to chant after the school's fight song is sung, in a manner more inclusive and friendly to the various people attending and participating in the football games (that was ironic without even trying to be), should instead chant:
To Hell with LSU!
To which I respond: The Vols will rise again!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
AHA!
If only I had been born in the summer, my life would have been a piece of cake. I always, always, deep down in my heart of hearts, knew this was true... and correlation DOES TOO equal causation!
Monday, August 24, 2009
wenger, part 2
I'm thinking of buying a Swiss Army knife. I lost my old one a while ago; I think I left it at my parents' when they were redoing my room after I moved out. They probably rented it to someone who never paid and then disappeared. My parents do have a slight history of deadbeat renters.
Anyway, I need a small knife like this one:
Or this one, the silver version:
In fact, that's the problem...I can't decide. The silver one looks way better. The black one seems slightly more functional (toothpick, anyone? And tweezers, for the metrosexual in me).
I recommended to Johanna that she get this one, because it has a high-decibel whistle (that word means loud, folks) that I figured was appropriate for a teacher of first graders. Belatedly I realized, in the heat of battle, it is not inconceivable that one might whip out the high-decibel whistle in order to injure one's attacker, or the 2.5 inch blade in order to attract the attention of passers-by. Not only am I undecided about which would be worse, I have alternatively become pretty conflicted about which combination of action/intended result would work best. That is to say, I think you'd actually get plenty of attention after slicing open -- you know what, never mind. This blog has been fairly gore-free, and I think I'll keep it that way.
Back to the pretty/functional dilemma. It occurs to me that this is the story of my life (potential wives, take note). It also occurs to me that as much as I like to think of myself as a fairly consistent fellow, I've been anything but consistent in this realm. There have definitely been the times I've gone for the pretty (c.f. my currently inoperable vehicle), and then there have been the others when I've gone for functional (my wardrobe, for instance). Actually, full disclosure: a good example for the latter category took me a few minutes to come up with. But, yes, when buying a knife turns into an existential dilemma, one begins to wonder if there are disturbing undercurrents of subconscious desire that, if known, would shed more light on my desire to buy a knife that will accompany me everywhere. Hmmmmm....scary. If you think about it.
I thought writing this post would make my decision clearer. Easier. Or at least more fun. As it turns out, that didn't happen, and now I'll probably put this off for another five months. Thanks for nothing, blog.
Anyway, I need a small knife like this one:
Or this one, the silver version:
In fact, that's the problem...I can't decide. The silver one looks way better. The black one seems slightly more functional (toothpick, anyone? And tweezers, for the metrosexual in me).
I recommended to Johanna that she get this one, because it has a high-decibel whistle (that word means loud, folks) that I figured was appropriate for a teacher of first graders. Belatedly I realized, in the heat of battle, it is not inconceivable that one might whip out the high-decibel whistle in order to injure one's attacker, or the 2.5 inch blade in order to attract the attention of passers-by. Not only am I undecided about which would be worse, I have alternatively become pretty conflicted about which combination of action/intended result would work best. That is to say, I think you'd actually get plenty of attention after slicing open -- you know what, never mind. This blog has been fairly gore-free, and I think I'll keep it that way.
Back to the pretty/functional dilemma. It occurs to me that this is the story of my life (potential wives, take note). It also occurs to me that as much as I like to think of myself as a fairly consistent fellow, I've been anything but consistent in this realm. There have definitely been the times I've gone for the pretty (c.f. my currently inoperable vehicle), and then there have been the others when I've gone for functional (my wardrobe, for instance). Actually, full disclosure: a good example for the latter category took me a few minutes to come up with. But, yes, when buying a knife turns into an existential dilemma, one begins to wonder if there are disturbing undercurrents of subconscious desire that, if known, would shed more light on my desire to buy a knife that will accompany me everywhere. Hmmmmm....scary. If you think about it.
I thought writing this post would make my decision clearer. Easier. Or at least more fun. As it turns out, that didn't happen, and now I'll probably put this off for another five months. Thanks for nothing, blog.
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Grocery shopping
I have friends who call it 'the food store'. While part of me revolts against the aural horror of that phrase, the logician in me finds it hard to argue. Which is why I say I 'have' friends, instead of using the past tense 'had'.
I tend to treat trips to the grocery store like visits to the red light district; I go late at night, hoping that no one will see me, that I'll be able to get in and out quickly, and that the goods will still be fresh after everyone else has picked through them earlier in the day. Last week - I think it was Thursday night on the way back from a meeting at church - I went to the Superfresh which is less than a mile from my new home. I hadn't been there yet, and while I was fairly certain it would be more expensive than the Food Lion I am accustomed to frequenting, it is close, so I figured I should check it out.
Well.
The boxes of clementines (ALWAYS CHECK THE BOXES!!) were labeled June 21st. And one didn't have to poke one's finger through the plastic mesh to tell that these clementines couldn't recall even the highlights of their better days. Yes, I did poke anyway. Also, their chicken (all sorts) was priced highly. They Did Not Have Grapefruit. The yogurt that I found was tagged at 1.09 apiece, unless you had a Special Card (or whatever they call them), in which case it was 40 cents. Great. They didn't even have no-brand bagged rice, which was a shame until I realized it was a good excuse to learn how to cook rice by measuring water. This was actually a success on Saturday when Gavin and Janet came over to eat Indian Food, so I guess that's just as well.
I was pretty disappointed, as you can tell. I'm not sure that I won't go back, but I sure would love to see 32oz bags of chicken nuggets that cost less than $4.50, in lieu of the $5, 280z ridiculousness they were trying to foist upon me on Thursday. No. Thank. You.
I tend to treat trips to the grocery store like visits to the red light district; I go late at night, hoping that no one will see me, that I'll be able to get in and out quickly, and that the goods will still be fresh after everyone else has picked through them earlier in the day. Last week - I think it was Thursday night on the way back from a meeting at church - I went to the Superfresh which is less than a mile from my new home. I hadn't been there yet, and while I was fairly certain it would be more expensive than the Food Lion I am accustomed to frequenting, it is close, so I figured I should check it out.
Well.
The boxes of clementines (ALWAYS CHECK THE BOXES!!) were labeled June 21st. And one didn't have to poke one's finger through the plastic mesh to tell that these clementines couldn't recall even the highlights of their better days. Yes, I did poke anyway. Also, their chicken (all sorts) was priced highly. They Did Not Have Grapefruit. The yogurt that I found was tagged at 1.09 apiece, unless you had a Special Card (or whatever they call them), in which case it was 40 cents. Great. They didn't even have no-brand bagged rice, which was a shame until I realized it was a good excuse to learn how to cook rice by measuring water. This was actually a success on Saturday when Gavin and Janet came over to eat Indian Food, so I guess that's just as well.
I was pretty disappointed, as you can tell. I'm not sure that I won't go back, but I sure would love to see 32oz bags of chicken nuggets that cost less than $4.50, in lieu of the $5, 280z ridiculousness they were trying to foist upon me on Thursday. No. Thank. You.
Take back the beep (not my idea!)
http://pogue.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/30/the-mandatory-15-second-voicemail-instructions/
This is a good article that details pretty well the ridiculousness of current cell phone voicemail systems. Seriously...why do I have to listen to you talk for fifteen seconds before you let me hear the person's own prompt? Crazy.
And yes, this (that is, technology) is basically my only brand of activism. Sad, I know.
This is a good article that details pretty well the ridiculousness of current cell phone voicemail systems. Seriously...why do I have to listen to you talk for fifteen seconds before you let me hear the person's own prompt? Crazy.
And yes, this (that is, technology) is basically my only brand of activism. Sad, I know.
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